At the end of our trip to Japan we made a quick stop at the Kenrokuen Garden, one of the few places on the planet that successfully combines all six elements of excellent gardens as defined in the classic Chinese text, Rakuyo-Meienki: spaciousness, seclusion, watercourses, antiquity, panoramas, and artifice. Yep, artifice.

From the pamphlet, artifice was defined as, “Ponds, streams, famous trees, mountain views integrated with the garden, a valley in the mountains that suddenly appears, etc. all considered and created by human skills. Other types of human skills are the skills of Kenrokuen’s gardeners, who have been caring for the garden for a long time, refining its beauty while making use of techniques passed down from generation to generation. . .”

Then I spotted them, the gardeners, the great masters of fake nature. I bowed in respect.

At the Wild Horse Pass Sheraton, outside of Phoenix, they installed a bar inside of a fake cliff dwelling and decorated it with appropriately reverent artifacts. Perfect place to booze and shmooze.

monkey trying to decide when it’s safe to cross the street. . . . how about now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now? Now?

At one time there were almost sixty Rainforest Cafes. Now there are sixteen? The one in Tempe is vaguely apocalyptic. The fish tanks are cloudy and contain no fish. The plastic vines are faded and dusty. Many of the animatronics only half work. One of the gorillas kept twitching and giving Nazi salutes. And the menu is full of food that you’d only order when drunk at 2AM at Denny’s.

I’m so glad that Casa Bonita is back open in Denver. So much to love about this place–fake palm trees, theme-park cabanas, an old west mine, Black Bart’s cave. The lava-rock waterfall is a masterpiece, with its diving ledges, balcony seating, underwater lighting, and secret viewing locations. Fake nature done right.

The fake rocks are so revered at Casa Bonita, that they have a mariachi band dedicated to playing to them.