I seen a peanut stand / And heard a rubber band /I’ve seen a needle that winked its eye / But I been done seen about everything / When I see an elephant fly (from Dumbo)

Yep, we been done seen Disneyland.

The proper Disney headgear is giant round mouse ears. These ears will protect one from all dangers in the park. Unfortunately, they do not increase one’s ability to hear.

Disney Imagineers created the above rock formation that is supposed to represent Yosemite or Yellowstone or Rocky Mountain National Park or  anything else in America that has jutting rocks.  They also designed the rocks to magically resemble a wolf’s head.  Make no mistake, these Imagineers are very dangerous people.

Upon completion of each ride, Disney dumps you into a consumer frenzy. My son escaped this one by climbing to the last patch of snow in California and joining the friendliest creature among the hordes, a snowboarding bear.

Disney is a land ruled by goofy animals with a strange obsession for safety. Yet here, should we really be taking safety cues from a giant bear who holds his kerosene lamp so near his inflatable raft?

Why drive to Wyoming and wait three hours for Old Faithful when you can get a fast pass to Grizzly River Run? It’s got geysers, steam channels, hot pots, and then they strap you to a plastic chair and send you down a fake waterfall.

Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.

The famous quote from Walt Disney. This scares the crap out of me.

No ride in Disneyland transfers you further from reality than the Enchanted Tiki Room. Psuedo Hawaiian gods and goofy tropical birds doing 1950 sing-a-longs. Yes, my friends, an animatronic utopia is still possible.