the website of Mark S Bailen. . . writer, illustrator, and fake-nature photographer
I had never been to a Rainforest Cafe, but while walking through the Arizona Mills mall, I realized that the restaurant filled an entire bingo card of topics for my website. Fake nature, wildvertising, greenwashing, crapitalism, vaguely apocalyptic. . . all in the same place? Wuh? So my wife and I braved the lush plastic jungle and now I’m convinced. . . Rainforest Cafe is a portal to hell.
The motto of Rainforest Cafe was A WILD PLACE TO SHOP AND EAT. No argument there. The gift shop was bigger than the restaurant. While waiting for our drinks, I came up with some other mottos:
in a sad little corner in the Target in Tucson, the outdoors is on sale. . . Lots of clay pots and plastic chairs and gardening implements. I guess this is what outdoors means these days.
We spent a week in Berlin where I learned the real reason the wall came down, Kentucky Fried Chicken! Apparently the Eastern Bloc couldn’t resist the colonel’s secret recipe. Finger Lecken Gut! Of course KFC can’t get all the credit for the downfall of communism. McDonald’s offers BIG MACS MIT CHEESE on the other side of Checkpoint Charlie.
MORE SHOPPING AND DINING JUST AHEAD
Visited the Wishing Tree at the Venetian. The branches were bronze. The leaves were gold plated. Glass birds dotted the branches. Fake chirping was piped in. And I had to log into Instagram to make my wish. I like my chances!
don’t you let that deal go down. . .
Outside. . .
btw. . . this photo reminded me of a funny email that I recently received from Outside.
Slogan battle at the airport. . . The vending machine said, “Fueling people to be their BEST!”, getting you ready to battle fellow humans. The free water station said, “No water, no life.”, getting you ready to battle nature. The slogans stressed me so out, that I went thirsty.
The QUAKE gift shop sold designer bug-out bags. What?