
the saddest pumpkin patch in the world. . .
the website of Mark S Bailen. . . writer, illustrator, and fake-nature photographer

the saddest pumpkin patch in the world. . .


Constant traffic overhead due to the Museum Fire.



We came home after a bike ride to find a forest fire (the Museum Fire) burning less than a mile from our house. We spent a few nights watching the flames from our porch. Then we got evacuated. Luckily the prevailing winds blew away from our house, the firefighters ambushed the thing, and the monsoon was on its way.
My photos sucked, of course. I fumbled a shot of a DC-10 flying low over our house, streaming red fire retardant. I just stared at the beast with my mouth open, missing my chance at being a famous frontline photographer. Dude!

Not only should you bring plenty of water and salty snacks when hiking in the Grand Canyon, but also a hazmat suit.


The best overlook in Doi Inthanon National Park is inhabited by a permanent cloud. The cloud never leaves! So people enjoy taking photos in front of nothing, well, nothing except for white fuzz. At least my photos weren’t out of focus.

the loathsome no-hiking sign… spotted in muir woods…

stone wall with barbed wire…

Italian scouts… on a train platform, preparing for a camping trip.

this sign needs more icons. . . what about a person with a dog? or a dog off leash? or mountain biker with four dogs, two off leash, two on? or a family of raccoons? or a bear? or a porcupine? or an alien? All of these scenarios are common in the forest.

Disney had one trail that actually led to nature, but when we arrived, “nature” was undergoing IMPROVEMENT.